31/10: Halloween Jokes
Q. Why was the student vampire tired in the morning?
A. Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!!!
Q. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A. It's good for the bones.
Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Q. Why do vampires drink blood?
A. Because coffee keeps them awake all day!
Q. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
A. Because he's a pain in the neck!
Q. Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A. Because he was coffin.
Q. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
A. To get his boo-ster shot?
Q. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.
Q. Where does Dracula water ski?
A. On Lake Erie
Q. Where does Count Dracula make his withdrawals?
A. At the blood bank.
Q. When does a ghost need a license?
A. During "haunting" season.
Q. What's a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist.
Q. What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
A. Spelling
Q. What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A. A dead ringer.
Q. What do little ghosts drink?
A. Evaporated milk.
Q. What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
A. Decoffinated!
Q. What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
A. Five after one.
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice Scream
Q. What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A. A blood vessel
Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.
Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until your spooken to.
Q. What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
A. "You are driving me batty."
Q. What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
A. The dentist!
Q. What do ghouls order at McMonsters?
A. Handburgers.
Q. What do spooks call their Navy?
A. The ghost guard.
Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A. Squash
Q. Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. Why do witches think they're funny?
A. Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
Q. Why did the tiny ghost join the football squad?
A. He had heard that they needed a little team spirit !
Q. Why don't skeletons like to eat spicy food?
A. They can't stomach it!
31/10: Halloween computer
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26/10: Mouse
26/10: Free Children's DVDs
25/10: Hurricane Wilma pictures
25/10: WOW
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24/10: Parents
22/10: Party
21/10: No comments
21/10: hello!)
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17/10: Fire!
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LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Lindsay Lohan and two other people were taken to a hospital Tuesday after the actress' black Mercedes-Benz convertible collided with a van in West Hollywood, authorities said.
13/10: Magazines
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12/10: Santa is coming!
12/10: Polar Bear Jokes
11/10: Real party
Bill Gates can choose his punishment
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. "This is great," he thought, "if this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."
Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill looked up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled for God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.
"So, how is everything going?" God asked.
Bill responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place....with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?
"That was the demo," replied God.
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03/10: Pinguin
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03/10: Airbag
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